Hee hee, I was person 11 to try for Dan Rydell. LOL

Man, this day has gone by way too fast. I did succeed in doing all the reading for Wed's exam, plus I reviewed all my notes. I still plan to do more with it tonight, but it's a start. It turns out that the information is actually very interesting, there's just so MUCH of it. I have some mneumonics to remember a lot of bits, but I'm still working on a way to tell which mnuemonic goes with which bit! LOL CTOS is something, I know, but I can't remember what. LOL Tissues, maybe? Connective, uh, and three others. Yeah, still needs work. <.g> But really, I'm fascinated by it, but I don't know how I'll *learn it.

Did you know that cadaver is an acronym? From the Latin caro data vermibus - "Meat given to worms."

It's kinda cool to see your professor cited in your textbook.

I'm going to start studying at 1 today, so I have 30 minutes of fun-me-time. <.giggle> So, going through my dailies. So far, the uncut version of the HP movie is 4 hours - man, I can't wait for the director's cut DVD. LOL You know there has to be one. Only two months until it's in theaters, though. YAY!!

Okay, lunch time so I can do good work. Wish me luck!

Mom just called. We're going to try and donate some money to the telethon. I'm happy about that, but she also said dad is in another bad mood. They canceled the golf outing at work tomorrow, and I guess he was really, really looking forward to it. And he's entitled to be in a bad mood because of that, but then he came home and drank a lot of wine, and he can be so mean and scary when he's drunk. And my insides get all twisted when I think of what it's like and how mom and Josh are still there. Will that ever go away? Will it stop when the day finally comes that I don't have to go home anymore? Or maybe that day will never come. I love my mother so much, but I don't know that I want to be tied to that house and family forever. Maybe that's why I want to go to school very far away from IL, but am I ever really going to get out? Is it fair that I want to?

Okay, you should be able to now leave me comments for each post. Yay!

God help me. Krissy finally got me over to AudioGalaxy. This place will be the death of my computer! I've downloaded 10 songs, and done ONE article. But at least I have good music to listen to now.

Bette Davis Eyes - Bonnie Tyler
Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler
Amazing Grace - Nsync
Celebration - Nsync (Joey sings lead, and I decided he's the best singer, next to Lance who also has a few solos here)
Just Like Romeo and Juliet - The Reflections
Unchained Melody (live) - Elvis
Every Breath You Take - Anthony Stewart Head
Time - Tori Amos
Toucha Toucha Touch Me - Amber Benson
Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper

Yes, I have very very diverse tastes...

Okay, I've scheduled my entire week. It's keeping my mind off the fact that I'm hungry, but afraid to eat. LOL

Friday: Write 3 paragraphs on muscles, start stats homework
Saturday: Study for Wednesday's 375 exam, choose a topic for 390, write thesis for EPS
Sunday: start writing EPS exam, write at least 3/6 sentences for homework
Monday: study 375, write EPS, granger-weasley chat
Tuesday: study 375, write EPS
Wednesday: finish EPS and sentences
Thursday: finish stats
Friday: go home!

My, won't this be a lovely week? Grrr. I found my three articles, now to read them.

Hmmm. I've been avoiding dairy products the last few days, to test my theory on whether or not they were making me sick. I've come to the conclusion that I really have no clue. <.g> At first, it really helped and I ddin't feel sick, but then yesterday, I don't know what happened but no matter what I eat, I feel sick. Just now, it was a pickle. Last night, it was sour cream and onion ritz bits. I wish I knew what was up here. I seem to be screwed whether I eat or not. This was not the way I planned to lose weight.

I now have 18 Nsync songs on my computer, and too many Lance pictures. All courtesy Kate, natch. This is fast getting sad. LOL I downloaded a bunch of songs off of Celebrity - Pop, Game is Over, Gone, Tell me Tell me Baby, etc. Kate made a list. LOL

I'm actually gonna go to bed early tonight. Very soon even. No more 1 ams for me! But tomorrow will suck, as I plan to spend my afternoon in the library doing next week's physiology assignment, so I can spend my weekend frantically trying to study stuff I will never understand, and writing the stupid EPS exam. I can't wait.

Good God. Amy sent us some pictures of her apartment building that another tenant took. Her apartment is on the other side, so her windows aren't broken like this, but this is where she *lives.

Woo! Finished Stats and got a 95%! Gosh, I probably didn't have to miss Lang Dev after all. Oh, well, I felt much more relaxing doing it at 4 than at 9! And since I did end up going to class this morning, I could totally take the next hour for a nap. How wonderful that would be!

God help me, I have te desire to go into Kate's room, borrow her mix CD and copy another N'sync song. Must...resist...

I don't really want to go to class this morning. I could use the time to type up the assignment I did last night and take a lovely nap. I think that would be time well spent. Of course, classes might be time well spent, as well. I suppose I'll decide at 9:40, when I'm supposed to leave!

Now it's time to watch Steve Colbert do his report on OJ and homosexuality. Gotta love the Daily Show.

Lance really likes Dr. Suess. What a cutie pie he is/

I'm very sad right now. My mom's best friend, and my dear friend, Carol found out today that she has breast cancer. I'm devastated. She's my Buffy buddy. Her son, Brett, was in my camp this past summer, and Carol also works at TI. She has three kids - Jess is going into her senior year of HS this year, Matt's a sophomore, and Bretty is in 5th grade, I think. Her husband is a lazy bum who's barely holding onto his job, and she has so much on her plate already. I know she's strong, but she's used to being the helper, and not helpee. That might be some of the hardest part.

So she has a lumpectomy scheduled for next Friday, followed by chemo and radiation. Mom has already started cooking and freezing food for her, all of her friends are doing something to help. I've asked the GBabes (Carol was with us for a few years) to help me in sending her one or two funny cards a week to cheer her up. I know that would mean the world to her.

God, guys, she's so thin. I can't imagine what chemo and radiation will do to her. But she's a survivor. If anyone can beat this, it's Carol. But she still needs all of our prayers.

Great, now my problem is that it might be too long. LOL

Yikes. Well, I hope it's long enough. Now I'm nervous.

Okay, so not a LOT of thought went into this assignment. It took a few hours, and it should be long enough, but yeah, not a lot of thought. It can only be one page, how much thought do they want?!

I finish typing this up, and I get to eat dinner. I'm bribing myself. <.g>

Pretty much finished the assignment. So I have to type it up, and then do the other EPS, which is basically to come up with three questions on the latest chapter. I think that's do able for tonight!

Hee hee. <.g> I'm talking with Jennie's little sister Melissa. LOL She's a sweetie.

Yeah, so, gave up. I'll finish the assignment tomorrow during lunch. Then I'll type it up, type up the three questions on the chapter, and then do stats.

Or maybe I'll just skip lang.dev. and do Stats on Thursday afternoon. <.g>

Ha. Finished two of four questions, and only one minute behind schedule. (I gave myself an hour to do each, going to bed at midnight.) Amazing, since I didnt start question one until nearly 9. <.g> Ah, well. If I can just get rough drafts done tonight, I can fix them up while I type them up tomorrow night.

Wow, see how I'm not doing EPS? I should. But I'm so tired. And I don't want to think. And it sucks. But it has to be done for Thursday. Like the other EPS assignment. And the stats homework. All due Thursday.

Oh, my God! LOL I'm watching Comedy Central until Sports Night is on, and guess who's the guest! Peter Krause! That's Casey on Sports Night! And now Nate on Six Feet Under, but Casey on Sports Night! WHEEEE!

I'm looking very American today. <.g> Mom ironed my fourth of july shirt and sent it with dad. I'm wearing little flags, apple pies, teddy bears, school houses, and stars all over! It's cute. I got it few years ago when I was in Germany for independence day. Showed my American spirit. LOL

My Jennie-girl and I made a bet as to whether Max and/or Todd find out Todd's the dad before or after the baby is born. She says before, I say after. If she wins, I have to write a Nexis story, if she wins, she writes Sonny/Alexis.There shall be no welching on this bet, it has now been publicized. <.g>

Never fails to crack me up - every time "Everything I Own" comes on my MP3 player, Kate is in here singing and talking along with Lance. She must have a special nsync hearing threshold. I have it on super quiet right now, since the other girls are sleeping, and she STILL heard! LOL She even commented that I had it on so quiet, and she was straining to hear so she came in during the right part. <.giggle>

Well, I just hit chapter 20 in the story from hell, and that's it for tonight. <.g> I already read the last two chapters and epilogue (shhhh! Don't tell Kate!), so I feel comfortable leaving the rest for tomorrow. Hee hee. She'd kill me if she knew I had already read the end, before she did, and she's been reading for a week. LOL

Oh, man. LOLOL I'm sitting at my computer, reading the nsync story from hell, when I noticed it was raining. I was about to say something to that effect to Kate, when she came barreling into my room and threw herself down on my bed covering her head and laughing. Turns out she, too, had noticed it was raining, but only after she heard some guys on the walkway downstairs saying that. She said, "Holy shit!" really, really loudly, they heard, and started laughing so hard at her. She just got back up and went into her room, and they're still laughing. LOL!

This is a very interesting quote, from Sarah Orne Jewett:

In the life of each of us, I said to myself, there is a place remote and islanded, and given to endless regret or secret happiness.

Which is it for you?

God help me, Kate has been reading this story for over a week. And now she sent it to me.

I'm not a very smart person. I think I should probably eat now. It's been about, oh, 18 hours. Give or take a few. And yes, this was done deliberately. I need to work on how I react to feeling bad.

My grandfather went in for surgery at 4 today, to put in a J-tube. It's a direct feeding tube to his small intestine, since he can't keep any food or water down. I'm scared for him. I wish I could have called him before he went in. I know he had a hard time talking last time, very emotional and had to get off the phone, but I love him so much and I want to keep telling him that, over and over again, for as long as possible. Because as long as possible is not as long as I'd like.

I'm watching Bald CJ give another press conference. I like him.

I saw Bush talking from a mosque today. Never before have I realized how important an image that is. There is a Muslim girl in my major. I don't know her name, but we've talked a few times. She wears the headdress, but American clothing. Wore, I should say. Today, instead of her headdress, she had her hair pulled up into a blue cap. I almost burst into tears. Why shouldn't she be able to follow the customs of her religion? Why must she change because of the idiots in the world? Three-five days a week for the last three years, I have seen her with her traditional wrap. And now it's a baseball cap. <.sigh> I'm horrified.

So I'm back to needing to fill out FAFSA forms and getting another job. <.sigh> Lovely conversation to have first thing Monday morning. I still feel sick over it. I just don't get why he doesn't like me.

Tring to distract myself, I checked my mail. My favorite Buffy authors, James Walkswithwind and Mad Poetess, are now writing HP slash. Heaven love them, I don't care that it's Percy/Lucius and I don't read Lucius, and frankly I think Percy belongs with Neville if he must be slashed, maybe Oliver, otherwise he's with Penelope, I will read it and love them muchly.

That was a wicked sentence. Wonder if it made sense? But this will - I looked through the Vanity Fair dad got me. Forget the Weasley twins, the kid playing Oliver Wood is so cute. He looks like Jon Jackson did as Lucky!! Very exciting.

Teddy bears do wonders - I feel a little better now. I really felt really bad for awhile. I wish there was an easy solution. Or a solution. But there doesn't seem to be one.

Turns out I was wrong last year, when I thought living in an apartment was an answer for me. I could retreat to my room, but know I had people that I could be with when I needed. Well, I needed to be with people today, and I couldn't manage to get out of my room. They were laughing, talking, having fun, and I didn't think I could do any of those. Maybe it is time to talk to a counselor or someone, like Bobbi suggested. I was not having very good thoughts for awhile, and that makes me unhappy. I was clutching Trevor very tightly so that I didn't do anything I'd regret, and I *didn't. So, yay. But not feeling very yay right now. Why do I let other people's problems get me so down? Okay, yes, this problem is my fault, but while it's a bad situation, I shouldn't feel like this. No one should.

And getting my stats grade didn't help. I only got a B. <.sigh> Fuck.

Dad's fault. Mom says he's been in a bad mood since he came home last night, about tuition and Jim. I don't get it. He IMed me, told me that he'd had such a great day. And I thought we'd had! We laughed a lot, hung out together, he didn't want to leave when we were done at 6:30, that's why we went to Barnes and Noble. I just don't understand. I hate this. Is it because I bought two movies starring Jimmy Stewart? It's no relation, but I guess it reminded him. Why do I always have to be on guard? Why can't I just do things without being terrified of the ramifications? I feel like if I breathe wrong, it'll set him off. I just want to burst into tears. I thought we'd had a nice day.

I hate that I'm so connected emotionally to my mother. Or maybe it's that I let her affect me so much. She called after noon, worried because I seemed to be still asleep. I explained that I had went to bed at 2:30, slept about 9 hours, thereby hopefully catching up all that I lost this past week. I didn't mean to be, but I guess I was snappy at her. Or maybe she was just already sad, I don't know. But then they called at 3, like every week, and it was totally pathetic. Like, 3.5 minutes. She was so upset, and I don't know why. It could be my fault from the first phone call, it could be dad, could be Josh, could be any combination thereof. All I know is that *I'm feeling guilty and upset because she was upset, and I hate that. All I want is to live my own life, but contrary to that, all I want to do right now is call her and see how she's doing. But if she's not feeling better, which is most likely, I'll wind up feeling worse and that would really suck because I don't want to feel really bad right now. I hate how I'm feeling right now. I'm so selfish. <.sigh>