I'm sitting here, smiling like an idiot. Why, you ask? Aren't you normally acting like an idiot, I hear another person ask? (And yes, I know who, and I say to you - HUSH! LOL)

I feel so special right now. For two reasons. The first is the Gangster babes. Jo posted Jerry Falwell's remarks, and I commented how, yes, I loved hearing that I was the cause of the attacks. That was questioned by a babe, and I replied that I am a feminist, I like women as well as men (although I do lean more towards men), and I'm a lapsed Catholic moderately practicing Wicca. Of all those, I think admitting the second scared me most. <.g> I love these women so much, they're my dearest friends, and what they think of me means a lot. But I've gotten a few replies that I'm such a menace to society, and I know the Babes well enough to know that they mean that they think I'm very cool indeed. : )

The second is the very special note I received from my best friend, right after I posted to the Babes and was in desperate need of such a note. {{HUGS}}

Sp, yes, grinning like an idiot over here. I love my friends.

My friend Biz sent me this picture....it's Captain America. Wow.

I had such a great day with my daddy! We went to the mall, and then we went to Damon's, a sports bar, for lunch. FABULOUS food. Then we went to go see Rat Race - OMG, it was hysterical! We laughed all the way through. Loved it, loved it, loved it. We were both wondering how it could possibly end, and the end was *perfect. I can't wait to see that again. : ) Breckin Meyer is SO hot, and Seth Green is a total cutie, and it was so fun!

Then came the *really fun parts. LOL We hit Borders AND Barnes and Noble! Yay!! I bought The Philadelphia Story on DVD, a trashy romance novel to keep my mind on fluffy things, and the latest book in a Elizabeth 1 mystery series I read. Then I bought two Connie Willis books (one a bunch of her short stories, and the other written with another author) and Kilmeny of the Orchard by LM Montgomery, so now I own every Connie Willis book and every LMM! We also spent a few hours browing through a vintage clothing store, which was SO fun, and a rare/vintage/old bookstore right next door. Daddy and I really had a great day. : )

And now I must unpack all the things he brought for me! I know that the HP Vanity Faire is in there, but everything else is surprises. : )

Hee hee. Krissy is blaming me for playing with manipulated pictures. I say, bring it on! Blame me if it makes you make more. <.g>

I read the list of "ten things you can do right now" that she has linked from that above post, and she's right - I totally felt like Molly! And every other character in WW2 homefront books that I've read, which, believe me, is a lot. LOL Part of what makes the homefront so interesting to me has always been the way Americans banded together, stuck together, loved their country, everything I never really felt. I mean, sure, I was American and I was glad of that. But never before have I felt this patriotic love for my country. I like it. I wish it didn't come out just in wars.

Yikes! I told my daddy to come down at 11. So, I set my alarm for nine, giving me two hours to shower, eat, vacuum, finish my grocery list, etc. I checked my IMs from overnight, and mom said that daddy had been so excited to see me, he left at 7! 7! It takes 2-2.5 hours to drive down here.

AHHHHH! LOL

According to the Our Boys West Wing quiz, I am Sam Seaborn. Hmmmm. And in the Sports Night quiz, I am Jeremy Goodwin. Both are fairly complementary, I think, and maybe even close to accurate. Although I'm not half as smart as those characters!

I'm COLD! It's cold out, and it's cold in. Kate says to get used to it, because the heat will stay at 72 all winter long. That's not heat! That's going to be really hard for me. At home, we always have to keep the heat high because Josh can't get sick. The dorms were always a comfortable level. This will not be. I'm kind of upset about that. I think I'm PMSing on top of this (I was due yesterday), because that news just makes me want to burst into tears. I think everything is just piling up right now, and something as trivial as needing to wear a sweatshirt all winter long in order to not be cold is just about to topple the pile.

Okay, not upset at Kate now. Turns out she's horrified that Aarti read the JC/Lance story I sent, and is panicking that Aarti read her story, because she realizes that it's way more psycho to write than read stories. So Aarti thinks I'm psycho, but I don't care about that very much. I'd be upset if Kate thought that, but she doesn't.

Physiology quiz did NOT go well. I tried my best, though. The Stats test went much better - I bet I got a high B or A.

The memorial service wasn't really a memorial service. There were at least 3,000 people there, probably more. The chancelor that no one likes right now opened and closed it, and I don't think anyone was impressed with her. The rest of it was mostly music - some Bach, an Adagio, the Glee Club sang songs like "You take the high road, and I'll take the low road, and I'll get to Scotland before you," of which I fail to see the relevance. A Maya Angelou poem was read, as was another one. The best part was when the head of EPS dept gave his personal reflections. He grew up in the South, and talked about all he saw there, from the Birmingham Church bombing to the deaths of all the greats in the 60s - JFK, MLK, RFK, and more. He talked about tolerance and love being the best way to "fight" back, and it was so moving. He was the only speaker/performer to get applause, and it went on forever. He made it worth it.

I can hear Kate and Aarti talking across the hall in Kate's room, and I think it's about me. Okay, so I read slash stories about N'sync. I'm not twisted. I don't read *many stories. I've only read a few, way less than Kate. But because she reads het fic, it's okay? Hell, she's *writing Nsync stories! I don't think she gets to talk about what's disturbing and what's not. If you're going to invade the privacy of a real person by reading/writing about them, how is it worse to put him with his best friend than an "original" character that's really yourself? I was talking sarcastically last night about how everyone put JC and Justin together, when JC *obviously belongs fully with Lance, but I don't think they realized I wasn't being serious. I couldn't give a damn who Nsync sleeps with or dates. I can't even tell all of them apart!

They fucking moved Cheney to Camp David, closed airlines, shut down air space over NY. I'm so terrified, because I'm going to a quiz, followed by the memorial service, followed by an exam! I'm going to be totally removed from everything. I'm nervous.

My mom makes me laugh. Ari Fleischer, the press secretary, has obviously been on TV a lot. First mom referred to him as "that CJ guy," and now, "the bald CJ." LOL!! (CJ, of course, being the West Wing press secretary.)

This has been going around the internet since yesterday. An X-Phile in New York has asked Philes everywhere to write "I Want to Believe"
(in whatever you want to believe in) on your car or home windows.

Pick up a web-banner from Jenna.

I'm trying so hard to be extremely supportive of Bush these days. I think I'm even succeeding. However. <.g> That call to NY? Yeesh, poor guy obviously needs a teleprompter. Of course, he has bigger things on his mind than memorizing a speech, but I think Clinton would have pulled that off better. He's natually a good speaker, something Bush isn't very talented at, IMO. I was laughing at the way he was kind of pacing as he tried so hard to remember, though. That's something I would do. <.g>

NBC, and possibly other stations, are pushing back season premieres one week.

"The first war of the twenty-first century." God help us.

Got this forward today. I'm feeling so helpless, at least these morale boosters help a little bit.

> Ever since yesterday morning, the chorus from one of my favorite songs has been running through my head, over and over again. The words just seem to speak to what's going on right now.

> Don't let the light go out --
> It's lasted for so many years!
> Don't let the light go out --
> Let it shine through our love and our tears!

> What has happened is an attack on the light of freedom, the light of sanity, the light of peace and hope, all across the world. Let's show the cowards responsible for the attack that it failed! Tomorrow night, 9/13/2001 (American date), put a candle in your window or on your porch, anywhere that it can be seen.

> Picture it -- from every neighborhood, in every city across the globe, tiny points of light glowing in triumph!

> We can make it happen. Forward this to every list you're on, to every email contact you have. Talk to your neighbors about it. Spread the word. We *can* make it happen!

Kate and I are doing it.

Found some. I'm such a bad person. I was so anti-real person fic. I still see red whenever I see someone writing/advocating David/Gillian. So why is boyband slash okay? Hmmm.

For the last 36 hours, I've been constantly reminded of the Gulf War. I remember when war was declared. That was third grade, the year I was writing down every book I read. (Mom's pet project for me. I ended up with nearly 400, but that's besides the point.) I wasn't supposed to reread any books, which was just *killing me. I adore rereading books. I constantly reread books. War didn't really mean anything to me, but I could tell it meant something for my parents. They were very nervous. I think I picked up on that, but I don't remember for sure. What I do remember is that mom let me reread BSC books for those 6 weeks. I had started rereading one during the announcement, to get out of the room, and she walked in on me sprawled over my bed, reading feverishly. She reminded me I wasn't supposed to reread, but I said that I was scared and it made me feel better, so she let me. I don't remember if I really was scared, or if I was grabbing at the opportunity. I wish I could remember.

I've been feeling so bad these last two days, and there are times I don't feel I have a right to. Are these feelings real, or am I taking advantage of the situation? I can't tell anymore. I do know that a very smart person that I respect greatly posted her feelings on the Scullyfic list, and they exactly, to the letter, matched mine. And all the TV stations are now talking about how it's normal to feel this way, and that it will take time to feel safe again. I think part of it is the university - the official stance seems to be, "Who cares? Go to school." But it seems so unimportant right now. I keep seeing all those people who died, whenever I close my eyes. And I didn't know any of them. Even if Daiva died, I haven't *seen her in 10 years. I've talked to Gabija more recently, of course, and actually, Daiva as well. Last year, in fact, right when she started working at the WTC. But she's not part of my daily life. So why am I so upset? Sometimes I feel like I feel or think things because it's the "right" thing to do, more than actually having the feelings. But I think I do have these feelings now, and I'm not sure I should. Oh, I don't know anymore. I just wish I was handling this better, I guess. There's no real reason for me to be like this, but when it got dark out yesterday and today, I got so irrationally scared and upset. I don't even know if I'm making sense anymore.

This sounds horrible, and I'm sure I'll regret saying this.

Why can't I find any JC/Lance fic? Everyone pairs JC with Justin, but Lance is so much better for him.

<.wince>

I can't believe I said that.

But I did get my EPS homework done. Shame I didn't do Physiology, but I can't stay focussed on the article long enough. I did try.

America: The Good Neighbor. (from the 70s, but stands the test of time.)

Widespread but only partial news coverage was given recently to a remarkable editorial broadcast from Toronto by Gordon Sinclair, a Canadian television commentator. What follows is the full text of his trenchant remarks as printed in the Congressional Record:

"This Canadian thinks it is time to speak up for the Americans as the most generous and possibly the least appreciated people on all the earth.

Germany, Japan and, to a lesser extent, Britain and Italy were lifted out of the debris of war by the Americans who poured in billions of dollars and forgave other billions in debts. None of these countries is today paying even the interest on its remaining debts to the United States.

When France was in danger of collapsing in 1956, it was the Americans who propped it up, and their reward was to be insulted and swindled on the streets of Paris. I was there. I saw it.

When earthquakes hit distant cities, it is the United States that hurries in to help. This spring, 59 American communities were flattened by tornadoes. Nobody helped.

The Marshall Plan and the Truman Policy pumped billions of dollars into discouraged countries. Now newspapers in those countries are writing about the decadent, warmongering Americans.

I'd like to see just one of those countries that is gloating over the erosion of the United States dollar build its own airplane. Does any other country in the world have a plane to equal the Boeing Jumbo Jet, the Lockheed Tri-Star, or the Douglas DC10? If so, why don't they fly them? Why do all the International lines except Russia fly American Planes?

Why does no other land on earth even consider putting a man or woman on the moon? You talk about Japanese technocracy, and you get radios. You talk about German technocracy, and you get automobiles. You talk about American technocracy, and you find men on the moon - not once, but several times - and safely home again.

You talk about scandals, and the Americans put theirs right in the store indow for everybody to look at . Even their draft-dodgers are not
pursued and hounded. They are here on our streets, and most of them, unless they are breaking Canadian laws, are getting American dollars from ma and pa at home to spend here.

When the railways of France, Germany and India were breaking down through age, it was the Americans who rebuilt them. When the Pennsylvania Railroad and the New York Central went broke, nobody loaned them an old caboose. Both are still broke. I can name you 5000 times when the Americans raced to the help of other people in trouble. Can you name me even one time when someone else
raced to the Americans in trouble? I don't think there was outside help even during the San Francisco earthquake.

Our neighbors have faced it alone, and I'm one Canadian who is damned tired of hearing them get kicked around. They will come out of this thing with their flag high. And when they do, they are entitled to thumb their nose at the lands that are gloating over their present troubles. I hope Canada is not one of those."

I'm still having such a hard time concentrating. I mean, forget school work. I tried to read Dan/Casey stories, and couldn't even concentrate on them! I alternate between humming Fred Astaire and REM ("Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again," vs. "It's the end of the world as we know it.")

I think I'm going to go try and lay down again. I think I'll fall asleep,

You know, I'm damn proud to be an American right now. I keep hearing about what's going on in New York, and I want to cheer. Shoe stores gave out sneakers to women in heels who had to walk. Five seperate strangers offered my friend Amy a place to stay when they learned of her situation. People are pulling together. America may often be a divided place on many issues, but you attack us and we band together. It's going to be hard, but we're all going to get through this. Not that we really have a choice, but we're doing good so far.

Classes didn't much happen today. We reviewed in Stats for the test tomorrow, but Audiology was only talking about our feelings about the the attacks. Physiology was canceled.

Things were pretty subdued on campus. On the quad, the chalk writings generally say things like, "Happy Birthday!" "Got Beer?," things like that. Today, it was all "God Bless America," and ways to help the Red Cross. Religion guys were all out in full force, handing out Bibles. I actually took one. People were standing on every corner, collecting money for the Red Cross. Blood Drives have been set up for October, which is when the country will really be needing it. The National Blood Supply is at an all time high right now, but once you donate, you can't again for 54 days. Few people were doing the red/white/blue thing, instead opting for lots and lots of black.

I borrowed my mom's headphones last weekend, which get radio and TV, so I listened to Bush's remarks. So now he and Powell are both calling it acts of war. When he said that he was going to go to Congress and ask for....<.long pause.>, I was convinced he was going to ask for a declaration of war. No, it was money for relief funds, but that pause terrified me.

I hesitated to do this yesterday, but I have exhausted every venue open to me. If anyone has heard anything about Daiva Jurys, who worked in the WTC, please please please let me know. I know the only nine survivors found today were police and firefighters, but she may have escaped the building early, or not been at work, but I can't find her name anywhere. Thanks.

Okay. Hmmm. I didn't go anywhere yesterday, and now I don't know where my keys are...

Bush to speak at 9:45 CST. That does me no good! I'll be walking to class then. Bah humbug.

"Did you know that two thousand years ago a Roman citizen could walk across the face of the known world free of the fear of molestation? He could walk across the earth unharmed, cloaked only in the words ‘Civis Romanis’ I am a Roman citizen. So great was the retribution of Rome, universally understood as certain, should any harm befall even one of its citizens. … Where is the retribution for the families and where is the warning to the rest of the world that Americans shall walk this earth unharmed, lest the clenched fist of the most mighty military force in the history of mankind comes crashing down on your house!?"
--Josiah Bartlet

I love quoting West Wing, but I don't like that this quote is so linked to real life now.

Well, I managed to get some sleep. Yay! Fell asleep, lights on, after Sports Night ended at one. I woke up several times, but did fall back asleep, which is rare for me. I'm happy about that.

Bonnie set up a list/clique for those who condemn yesterday's attacks. So far, 64 people from all over the world have signed it.

Also, today is American Pride day. Wear as much red, white and blue as you can! It's an easy way to honor those who died and show the terrorists that we're still Americans, and we're still standing.

Love the picture, lady godiva. <.giggle> Actually, love ALL the Nsync pictures. And I agree, Lance should have been under JC.

Oh, MY God. In a very lighter note, I just discovered that Anne of Green Gables the cartoon is on. Possibly the only non-attack show on. This is...highly bizarre. In the credits, Anne sings about bringing a world of smiles, as Matthew defiantly brought her bag in and Anne ran to hug Marilla, who looked surprised then smiled. Now Gil, who sounds 10 and looks 15, is trying to take a picture of Anne, and she's telling him he needs a job. He then decides he's going to babysit Mrs. Lynde's nephew. ::shakes head::

One more try? Bye-bye, Mary? Please?

Okay, I know I uploaded it and hit publish. Now don't get me wrong, I love Mary. BUt why is she still here?

Okay, trying to put up the new design. Wish me luck.

Every so often, it hits me. New York was attacked. Four buildings have been destroyed, not to mention the Pentagon. That doesn't fit with my schema for America. This doesn't happen here. I look out my window at the bright blue sky with the afternoon sun shining merrily, and it doesn't fit the death and destruction that happened only a few thousand miles away in my country. In My Country!

Oh, thank God. One of my two unaccounted for friends is okay. Her apartment is one block from the WTC, but she was at a dentist appointment at the time. <.relieved sigh> Now we just wait for Daiva.

As the day goes on, this seems less and less real. I still can't believe this happened. It's all so fantastical. I found out that my old friend Gabija's mom, who I've known for 16 years, worked at the WTC. We have no idea if she was there, if she is alive or dead. Ironically, when I learned that is when this became so unreal. I don't really pray, but I am praying for Daiva and Gabija today.

I think mine is the only university not closed today. I can't go to classes, though. I'm still numb. Can't concentrate on anything. Mom wants me to come home. I don't know. I'd like to see them, but I have things to do here. If we go to war (if? When, most likely), I'll still go to school. I'll wish I lived closer to home, and seriously reconsider Columbia for grad school, but life goes on. That's what happens.

But I'd still kinda like to be home right now.

Beckman Institute, the place on campus that makes us high on terrorist levels, has shut down. The university may soon follow. I just...this is too close now. I hate that precautions are necessary.

Daddy's on a train, finally, but all trains are making every stop. But he'll be home soon.

According to AOL's news, "In Florida, Bush was reading to children in a classroom at 9:05 a.m. when his chief of staff, Andrew Card, whispered into his ear. The president briefly turned somber before he resumed reading. He addressed the tragedy about a half-hour later." You know what? I like that. I like how he handled that. Please let him do this right.

I just reported something to Biz before CNN did! About the second plane heading towards the Pentagon. I am so sick and scared. What kind of fucking bastards do this? They are not human. This is the Pearl Harbor of the 21st century. Did you know that Urbana is high on the terrorist list? Mom and Aunt M are planning mine and David's evacuation already. I'm so sick. Just sick. Why is this happening? PLease let me be overreacting. I do that. I'd rather be embarrassed later about the way I'm shaking and crying and being scared than have bad things happen.

Daddy's out of the building now and trying to get home. It's obviously a mad house. CIty.

Sears Tower evacuated. My daddy works by there. I'm so scared. Please, God, don't let this happen.

Pentagon on fire! Evacuating the White House! This is getting worse and worse. My God. Fire at Washington Mall. Now I'm really shaking. This is a nightmare. This doesn't happen in the US.

My God. This puts my last post into such trvial light. I signed online to two IMs, from mom and Kate, to turn on the TV. I turned on MSNBC, and my God, I am horrified. Hijacking an American flight to crash into the World Trade Center? This is unbelievable. This changes everything in the world. This is...this is war starting. I'm just shaking. What if they hit Chicago? My dad works downtown, at the Daley Center! I have to go find more details.

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I am so pissed off. When's my Buffy premiere? October freaking *6*!!!! I get my Buffys on SATURDAYS! No one else has Buffy on Saturdays! Gen's UPN is WB, too, and her commericals tell her that she gets her eps on Tuesdays still! God, I hope Kate's commercial she saw was wrong! <.sigh> Man. C'mon, I'm totally the one who always knows what's happening and is on top of everything. People come to me with questions on the show. And now I'm going to be days behind everyone else watching! No fair.

You know, I'm really, really tired. I wish I didn't have to stay up late to be productive.

Eh, done enough. I'm just about finished with EPS that's due Thursday. I'll type it up later.

Kate just showed me Lance Bass on Seventh Heaven. He's so cute. <.g> And he can act! How surprising!

Ech. I just read an entire book on cadaver dissection for physiology, and I don't think I can use it. ARGH!

I swear to God I'm working now. And those stories weren't even very happy ones. <.pout> ::makes mental note to not visit KCollect again::

Any story that begins with the note: "A separate thanks to Chris, who said that explicit gay sex is never inappropriate" is just plain fun. <.g>

BTW, I swear it's only 7:19 NOW, not during the last post. One story, and I work.

If anyone knows how to password protect a file folder, please let me know!

Everytime I change designs here, I wanna show my mom. "See what I did!" Or, in this case, "See what Krissy did!" <.g> But I can't, 'cause I don't want her seeing what I write. This is personal, and I don't think she'd understand everything I say. Especially about her. <.g> And I think she'd be uncomfortable about everything on our family that I say here, even though I don't use their names. Or my name. But still. So, I just have to imagine I'm telling her about these cool designs I put up every now and then.

I jazzercised! I was bouncing with energy, now I'm just tired. <.giggle> But work must get done, so I shall do it. I'll start at 7:15 and work until it's all done.

Solace is 99% done. Yay! I probably won't get it up today, though. I need time to make sure everything works right, and right now, I have to do schoolwork. And then Jazzercise. Which I'm really not looking forward to tonight. <.sigh> I know I should go, but maybe it's okay to miss today?

To schoolwork I now go.

ARGH! The redesign is THISCLOSE to being done, and Tripod's not saving it. I'm gonna scream! How obnoxious.

Wheeee, found a Sports Night journal. <.g> Also found a picture of the Weasley twins, who are so cute! I'm very excited. Of the main characters we see in book 1, they're the closest to being legal. <.snicker>

I have stuff I need to do tonight. I will...write some paragraphs on muscles read EPS. Them's my goals. I think I can do it.