Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the cutest one you saw? She's underneath the disco ball, the disco ball, the disco ball. Standing next to strobe lights, dancing hot, looking tight. The freaks sure do come out at night, at night, night, night, night. What more (Whoo!) do I have to say? Two-step!

Kate and I sang this all freaking night. LOL It's so silly and bouncy and catchy. (And from the song JC wrote, Up Against the Wall. He really likes the sex images. Digital Getdown, anybody?)

Time to shower to get ready for David's call at 9:30, so he can tell me we're leaving at 10 and not actually come until 11.

Okay, took so long because Bridget hasn't been released yet. LOL Meghan didn't come over, and Kate and I watched "Road to Celebrity" and Rosie with nsync. It was hysterical. <.g>

So I'm going home tomorrow about 11 - David called with these plans. He had said that he was either leaving Saturday afternoon or Sunday morning, so I'm not sure how 11 came about after all that. LOL But yeah, so I am going home, plus Kate didn't have to be here alone tonight, 'cause Aarti and Sarah went home this afternoon, but Aarti is coming back tomorrow. So that worked out nicely for everyone. I think mom really was disappointed that I didn't come tonight, though, and dad might be mad that I didn't let him come pick me up. When I tried to call them about my plans tomorrow, mom sounded kinda...dull voiced. Could be that she was tired, but I get nervous when I hear her like that. There are seriously times when I wish I could be removed from my family for a period of time, so I could work on living my own life and not being influenced by everything that goes on there. Grrr. I was so proud of myself for feeling bad that mom was disapointed, but not letting that stop me from having fun with Kate and enjoying myself. I still had fun with Kate after the phone call, but it was kind of dampened a little. <.sigh> Oh, well. I guess Kristine has the right idea with her baby steps.

Kate and Meghan left, like, 45 minutes ago to rent Bridget Jones for us to watch, and they're not back yet. Weird.

Glurble. See how I'm not on the train taking me home? That's because the idiot lady at Amtrak told me I could pay on Friday for the difference in my train ticket, when she really meant Wednesday. So I lost my reservation. I'm kinda bummed. I still may make it home tomorrow with my cousin, but he might not leave until Sunday morning, which defeats my purposes for going home. (Play and Josh's horse show) I had kinda been a little "eh' about going home, so I think this is karma. Mom's really disappointed, much more than I, which I feel badly about. Dad offered repeatedly to come get me, which I love him for, but 5 hours of driving right after starting new blood pressure meds? I don't think that's wise. So I told him no - hope he doesn't get mad.

LOLOL!!!!! I'm talking with mom, she says Josh is on the iMac. One of his actual speech-words is "Mac" - On Clifford, there's a dog named Mac whose owner, Jetta, calls for often, "MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAC!" Josh can do it, too. It's adorable. But apaprently, that's now how he asks to use the iMac!!! LOL

I love my brother.

WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I got a 100% on my Stats homework, and saw my first Harry Potter trailer during ER!!!!!!! I've seen two that I downloaded, obviously, but never one for real and never this third one. So YAY! Malfoy, flying, Remembralls, Harry, how exciting!!! Less than two months!

Running off to cadaver lab, but I'm excited about EPS. I got a 5/5 on my homework, and a 10/10 on the last assignment. Wheeee! Yay me! I was getting so bummed with my 8/10s. All it takes it not doing it in 15 minutes, I suppose. <.g>

Remember to read Cairnsy's story later...

Whooo! S1 Buffy DVDs on sale January 15!!! 3 DVD set, about $35. I'm excited!

So I guess I AM going home this weekend. I was supposed to, but then I didn't have a way to get back, and I kinda was leaning towards not going. I mean, they're coming to visit me next weekend, anyway. But now my stupid cousin David is giving me a ride back. <.sigh> Oh, well. I might get to see my grandfather in the hospital while I'm home. Did I mention he was back there? His kidneys have begun to fail. Those of you who watch ER know that that's the first organ to start failing. : (

I think my intro makes it sound like Horace Mann did good things, and the rest of the paper talks about all the not so good things he did, or the good things he didn't do. And I'm not entirely sure I answered the question correctly, because I lost the question. And frankly, I don't know that my conclusion makes sense. But I have a conclusion, which is something I don't always do. And the whole thing is done. And it's four pages. So things could really be a lot worse, honestly.

I've come to the conclusion that while it is short, it's not a BAD essay. Just, you know, short. I'm tired. Bad paper, go away. Writing conclusion and saying "Hell with it!"

Good God, I hope this is four pages.

Hmmm. Okay, took a break to play a Harry Potter game with Kate and her "buddy" Amie, who's 11. (I won. Hee hee!) But so far, my paper is 2.5 pages. It's supposed to be 5-6. I hate limits like that. If I can get it to 4 pages and have my fifth page be my name, I'll be satsified.

Wish me luck.

You know, I don't think that this paper will be long enough. Hmmmm.

I still love "Gone," but I totally believe that Justin wrote it. For himself. <.g> And then he got his girlfriend's director to come and make the video - for him. LOL It's seriously 97% Justin, and the rest just get tiny flashes. And Lance's face kept getting obstructed by the "World Premiere" logo in the corner. Drove me insane. LOL

Oh, and TRL had Justin on the phone for an interview. I had read earlier that his and Britney's vacation place where they're staying right now had been broken into. Justin said nothing was taken. AOL, E!Online, and Brit's publicist say that $5000 worth of video equipment, including a video of Justin and britney "intimate," and alcohol was taken. Gee, wonder WHY he prefered to say nothing was taken? LOL I mean, first, ew. Did they not learn anything from Rob Lowe or Tommy and Pamela Lee? Also, I could have so lived without knowing they video themselves. Bad image. Two, Britney's publicist said that the alcohol could have belonged to anyone in their families staying there. Uh-huh. Right. <.g> Cracks me up...

Okay, I had TRL on for 20 minutes and I had to turn it off. LOL Do they deliberately pick idiots to talk during the videos? And why can't they show a video without idiots talking or the tickers running underneath them? I want to hear the music and see the pretty people, damn it. So obnoxious. I'll hope Kate is taping and watch with her later. <.g>

Trading Spaces time!

Well, the test is over. <.shrug> That's about as much as can be said about it. Lauren and I crammed for the hour beforehand, and I knew most of her note cards. So I think I may have reached our goal of 65%. LOL I knew a lot, but i don't know how much. Oh, well. Now I have another 2-3 pages to write in my exam essay due tomorrow. BLAH! I should have worked on it last night, but you all saw the condition I was in. LOL I still don't know why - no sugar, no alcohol, no stimulants of any kind! LOL Just a natural high. I think Kate and I were egging each other on. LOL We ended up staying awake past 1am. It was fun, but not very productive for either of us. <.giggle>

Okay, God help me, I have TRL on while I clean my room. I'm sure that Gone will premiere at #1 today, but I don't want to miss it. <.g> it's a good song!! I love how it kinda sounds silent movie-ish. <.g> And Lance looks way hot in the video - he lost weight and gained muscles! Which is a bad thing, because previously I weighed less than him. Now I'm not so sure. LOL

Oh, man, I want Dan Rydell right now. I want a Dan Rydell. I fell so in love with his character in today's episode! He spent the whole time trying to get Rebecca to watch a baseball game with him. That's it. And at the end, he was telling her how he would tear down the wall she built around herself after her divorce, and he was in that for the long haul, and would stay no matter how long it took him to do it. She replied that she had booked a suite at a hotel, where a bottle of wine was chilling, waiting for them. He said that would speed things up considerably. <.g> But then she told him to bring the tape of the ballgame, and the smile on his face was AMAZING! He was so happy! And he walked out with her, and put his arm around her, and was just totally smiling. I'm not seeing how Sloop John B was appropriate music to be playing in the background (Drinking all night, got into a fight, I feel so broke up, I wanna go home; this is the worst trip I've ever been on, I wanna go home), although it does fit Jeremy's storyline. But not Dan's. Oh, well. Guess it's foreshadowing. I kinda like ending the episodes with fun music - last week they used Crimson and Clover. LOL

Okay, must study now.

Okay, test from 1-2:30 today. prayers welcomed. I'm so gonna need them. <.whimper> I'm trying so hard to remember things. I hope that when I see the test, I realize more sunk in than I thought. That happens sometimes....right?

From Krissy:
My journal's name is Blue Roses.
I call it this because I like the color blue, and I like roses. LOL They're also very rare. S'm I! <.g>
I've changed the name never.
I've changed the location never.
I've had an online journal since April 2000, with Kristine, and December 2000 by myself
I have a tendancy to blather on about nsync, Harry Potter, or other fluffy things instead of what's really on my mind.
My layout changes kinda often.
I like reading journals that are written by interesting or funny people who are interested in the same things I am.

Oh My God. LOLOLOLOL This is so horrible, kate and I laughed hysterically for so long. We've both been so hyper and bouncy and LOUD all night long, and I started to read a nsync story on matthew time's page. And Kate had read aloud a little bitty one to me earlier, and I was almost done with this one, so she came in and I was reading to her. But i still had my MP3s playing, right? And it was total porn that I was reading aloud, which, okay, NEVER did before, but it was fun. But then ELMO came on my MP3 player singing with the Goo Goo Dolls!!! And i was reading porn! I started screeching and had to turn off the music fast, and then Kate was laughing so hard she fell off my bed.

This post sounds like a 13 year old wrote it, and it looks like it too, but I am SO BOUNCY and i DON"T KNOW WHY and I have to finish my porn and go to bed so I can fail my test tomorrow!!

Heaven help me, I just watched a preview of Nysnc's new video on TRL. And yes, of course I'm watching the premiere of it tomorrow. I never even knew when the show was on, now I find myself watching. I do like the song, though. (Gone) And the video seems nifty. Black and white, serious, love it.

Pretty much gave up on the test. Now I'm doing my other physiology assignment due tomorrow. I hope I get credit on it. Watch me not.

One full year. Last year, I had been so excited because it was Piper Anderson's birthday, and the Gilliangels project for it had gone well. All the way until 2pm that day. I actually remember the times - how bizarre. Only time I ever truly regretted not going to a class - if I had left for Psych that day, things would have been different. So.

I'm part of the Remember WENN fandom. Last September, I started writing a WENN/XF crossover that was SO fun. I posted it part by part, one a week, as I wrote it. Right after I posted part three, a total twit also in the fandom posted the first part of her new story - same plot as mine. I grrred, but ignored it until part two, when she actually stole some of my lines and descriptions. I called her on it. "Oh, no, I have one person going back in time to 1943 as Betty, you have two people going back in time to 1941 as Maple and Scott." Led to a big brou-haha, divisions on the stupid list. I had been spending time with Super Bitch for a few weeks, who hapened to be Total Twit's best friend. I knew that Super Bitch is a manipulator and likes to hurt people, but I thought things were different. Until she totally turned on me, and I lost control. Completely. Complete emotional meltdown in front of my roommate, who I didn't even trust. When I finally regained my composure, I tried to call my mom. Because I wanted my mommy.

Mommy wasn't home. No no, she was at school with Josh. Talking with the principal about the fact that Josh's aide was abusing him, which I found out about an hour later when mom called me. (3:30, when Arthur's season premiere was starting.) A full year later, and I still bristle with anger at that disgusting bitch who fucking hurt my baby brother. I could kill her. Well, at least hurt her badly, like she hurt Josh.

Although I'd been having problems for a few months, that was what I consider my downward slide into a year of anti-depressants, pain, anger, sadness, and hurting. It's when I started to realize that something was wrong, at any rate, even if I didn't have a name for it. That came later. It was kind of the straw that broke the camels back, I guess. Everything that had been building up came crashing down, and I don't think I really recovered.

So. 9/25/00 - start of bad year. 9/25/01 - start of good year. Hey, it has to be better than the last one.

I hate school. I hate classes. I hate tests. I'm sick of school, and it's barely midterms, if even.

Okay, granted, today sucks because it's a bad anniversary. So I'll just buck up, keep reading my physiology book over and over, and hope lots of people keep sending me mail so I can hear Lance say "Oh, baby" when it comes into my mailbox.

Kristine reported the top 100 banned books and which of them she's read. I could rant about the horridness of stupid people who ban books, but I'll just relay the ones I've read, as well, plus comments. LOL This might get long....

Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz (How could you not love these?)
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou (She's an amazing woman.)
The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck (7th grade English)
Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling (I don't believe anything needs to be said here)
Forever by Judy Blume
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson (we read this in school! Josh is this year, too.)
Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor (This is a fabulous series for young girls!!)
Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman (and the Harry Potter spoof, Harry has Two Uncles....)
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger (Freshman year in college)
The Giver by Lois Lowry (My God, I love this book! Third graders read it at Josh's old school!)
Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine
The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle (One of my all time faves)
The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard (Erin and I found this one day and laughed our asses off in the middle of Waldenbooks...)
The Witches by Roald Dahl (Fabulous book!)
Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry (WHY is this banned?! I love Anastatia!!!!)
Blubber by Judy Blume
Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier
Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George (My mom read this to me when I was 9. She skipped the rape. I didn't know it was there for years...)
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee (This is Chicago's book! Mayor Daley is trying to make everyone read it.)
Beloved by Toni Morrison (Senior year in HS, English class)
The Pigman by Paul Zindel (I still love this book)
Deenie by Judy Blume
Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden (I really want to read this again.)
A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein (Not SHEL! How can they ban Shel?! He's a genius.)
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley (Mom made me read it before 8th grade, and it still blows my mind. Love it.)
Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice) (I took them out of the library, because I love the fairy tale, not quite knowing what I was doing. I was 16. Why did they let me take them out? LOL I'd love to buy them, though.)
Cujo by Stephen King (Okay, never read it, but this was our nickname for Liesl. : ) )
James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl (Josh's favorite!)
Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney (I love the whole trilogy.)
Carrie by Stephen King (8th grade. My friends' parents were horrified.)
Family Secrets by Norma Klein (I've read everything by her. She rocked so much.)
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain (7th grade English was a good time for banned books, I guess)
Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene (I still read this and the sequel. Beautiful books.)
The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene
View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts (This author also wrote Sunfire books. That's how I found this one)
The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder
The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney (This was scary, but is that a reason to ban it?!)

41 of 100. not bad.....

Oh, fun fun Miggie wavs! I need to find a place to have Lance tell me, "Oh, baby." LOL God, I love his voice. <.g>

I'm very sleepy and cold. Wish I didn't have to go to class this morning, then I could study some, maybe do some writing. I love this class, but see how much I keep trying to skip it? LOL

I swear to God I had something of actual substance to blog, but it has gone poof from my mind. Huh.

Woo-hoo, two full pages done! very nearly half way there. And I had so much fun with Miggie tonight! yay! And Angel - wow! Shocking ending! Let's discuss, people. <.g>

And Wade.

And lance and Joey and JC Chris and Justin.

Blogging the link from Miggie for ongoing boyband fic so I don't lose it.

I cannot read this story until I finish one full paragraph. End of story. After all, Angel's premiere is on at 8 tonight, followed by the granger-weasley chat.

Okay, I typed that at approximately 5:15. Did I send it? No, because I've been in Kate's room this whole time. LOL Sprawled out on her floor, writing a full page of paper, and listening to the Nsync Christmas CD. <.giggle> We're crazy. But on the first chilly day (it was 58 today), I like to listen to Chrismas Carols. I, however, don't have any here. But Kate does, and she suddenly called out that she wanted to listen. So I told her my tradition and we settled in. LOL it was lots of fun, and I totally got good work done. I adore their versions of The First Noel and O Holy Night, which was done a capella. They were so amazing, it's unbelievable. Just breathtaking. And I love that you can hear Lance so clearly, keeping the beat with his low sex voice and totally making me shiver. LOL

Now to type up my page and get ready for ANGEL!!!!

Added new cliques in my sidebar, yay! They are fun ones, indeed.

Outlines suck if they can't make you write. LOL I know what I'm going to say, just don't feel like saying it. My thesis is basically, "Horace Mann had very good intentions, but ultimately led us down the road to hell, education-wise." 'Cause he did. He had some good ideas and ideals, but he sucked.

And with language like this, is there no wonder I can't write my essay? LOL

I just downloaded two more songs - Pride by Elmo and the Goo Goo Dolls, and Furry Happy Monsters by Sesame Street Monsters and REM. : ) AG makes me so happy...

I'm listening to Elvis sing "Unchained Melody" and I want to burst into tears. My grandfather loves Elvis. I once bought him a sweatshirt for Christmas that was Farside, about Bob the Elvis impersonator flying with Santa. He wore it every Christmas for almost 10 years, and didn't last year. I don't think he'll be alive to wear it this year, and that's killing me.

I talked to him today. There wasn't much talking. He's not in the joking frame of mind, not that I blame him, and I don't know what to say to him. That's our relationship. We banter, joke, make smart ass comments at each other's expense, and laugh a lot. A whole lot. We haven't laughed in awhile. He just got back from the hospital yesterday, and had a very bad night, didn't sleep. They put in the wrong fucking tube, the bastards, and it doesn't even work.

I keep looking at his picture. I have two tacked up behind my computer - one from when he was healthy, and one from July. He's laughing in both. That's who I want to remember. That's who I want around. God, I miss him so much, and he's not even gone. I want to cry and scream, "Please don't take him away from me" but what's the point? He's going, and I can't stop it, no matter how much it hurts.

Sometimes I go days without blogging about him, but he's never far from my thoughts. I haven't mentioned Liesl in weeks, but I still cry about her. Carol has cancer. I still don't know about Daiva. I cry when I see a memorial service or any reminder of New York. My mom warns me of retaliation attacks that will most likely start next weekend. How much more death can I take? I feel like I'm going to crumble. I babble about inane things, Josh Charles, Lance Bass, stories I'm reading, because I have to. I can't let all of these bad things tear me down like they're trying to do. I have to be strong, but I don't know that I know how. All I know is that Elvis is making me cry.

Ugh. After a full day or so of eating fine without being sick, it started again. I wonder if there's something I'm *reading that's making me sick to my stomach, or what. LOL Maybe it's Kate telling me over and over that JC is only 145 pounds. ;) I remember when I was 145! I think I'd like to be again. Just, uh, not quite this way.

I'm so tired. I wish I had done more EPS writing. I mean, a full page is fabulous and all, and I do have an outline (aren't you proud, Lady K?), but still. Oh, well.

Downloaded Anne Murray's Danny's Song. <.giggle> I have always loved this song! "Even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with you honey, tell me everything's gonna be all right."

My internet is back! It left last night and just came back.

I had a boring day, since I couldn't surf. Wrote a full page in my essay, finished my other EPS assignment, watched nsync on Leno (interview and "Pop" which is SO much fun), watched nsync on Before They Were Stars, watched (can you guess) nsync do the super bowl half time show. Kate came back with videos. <.g> By that point, I needed the distraction, so I was fine with it. LOL

I should write more in my essay, but I can't work myself into it. 4 pages are left, though, and 3 days to write. Maybe I'll try again in a bit.